I've often thought about emailing or writing to you over the years, but I couldn't face the idea of embarrassing you any further than I already did.
When we met, I was very young and you were the most amazing man I had ever met. I fell head-over-heels for you. I thought you were interested in me too for a split second, and to make matters worse, mutual friends of ours led me to believe this was the case.
My teenage hormones ran riot, and I behaved very badly. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of your friends. I'm sorry that I wore provocative clothing to try and get you to notice me. I'm sorry that I rang you at home when you didn't give me your number. I'm sorry that no matter how many times you indicated you weren't interested, I continued to stare at you, completely thunderstruck, every time we met.
But most of all, I am really sorry for the way I behaved when I realised, with a heavy heart, that you weren't interested. I changed. I threw myself at other men in front of you, to mistakenly try and make you think I was desirable. I wasn't even interested in those other guys. But by then it was too late, you clearly thought I was a complete tart and wanted even less to do with me. What I fool I was. If only I'd had the confidence to be myself, instead of acting like some floozy, then at least I would have had your respect. I genuinely am not that girl. But love makes you do some desperate things.
I feel so bad about what happened, but perhaps there's one good thing that you can take from this. I don't know what has happened in your life during the 13 years that has passed....but please know this. Once in your life, a young girl was completely, head-over-heels, crazily and in love with you for a whole 4 years. As the Beatles sang, 'All you need is love'.
And how deeply I felt it.
I would have walked over hot coals to be with you. I would have given up everything if you had asked me to. You were my last thought at night, and my first thought in the morning. And it was this intensity of feeling, this first budding of love, which was so difficult for me to handle. And that's why I acted the way I did.
I can't bring myself to sign this out of shame, but I'm sure you know who I am. I'm not trying to bother you or get back in touch, I just want you to know how sorry I am.
I wish you all the love and happiness in the world, and I hope you can forgive me in your heart for any embarrassment I caused. xx